rostitchery

do i still get to tend the rabbits, george?

for the past 6+ years i've had a part-time job that i've never mentioned on this blog.  i have been the scheduling coordinator for the performing and rehearsal halls at blair school of music here at vanderbilt university.  i came to this job because rudi needed my help--scheduling was originally his responsibility but running a performing arts center requires his attention in other ways, so he asked me to take this job. 

i never mentioned it because this is not who i really am--ok, i guess since i've been doing it, it is kind of who i am--and i've been pretty good at it.  but i am not, at my heart, the person i have been forced to play. 

at first, the job was pleasant enough--the demands on the halls were still light, and since i was creating the job out of nothing, i had a lot of freedom to create a position that had some meaning and some value, other than just a paycheck.   

but it hasn't been fun.  i have been seen as a gatekeeper, and in that position it is possible to alienate pretty much anybody you come into contact with.  but i felt i didn't have the right to complain--after all,  i got to work with my husband every day, and then when ella was born i was able to bring her to work with me every day, and i got to have a dependable paycheck every two weeks--and those three pluses added up to more than the minuses, so i stayed and fitted in the things that mattered to me--being the maker and creator and teacher that i believe i was born to be--in and around as best i could.

but this past winter, things changed--i got a new supervisor, one who not only had no idea what i do, but had no idea what i needed to do.  and most importantly, this new supervisor simply didn't care that i have a life and interests and concerns that have nothing to do with this school.  within a matter of weeks, all the pluses disappeared and i was left with only minuses.

so i turned in my resignation.   today is my last day.

and now i'm begining to regret it.

insert sound of deep, sorrowful sigh here.

because now, i hear the fear in rudi's voice when he talks about our income going down--and i see the anger in his jaw when he talks about his concerns about who will be doing this job when i leave--and i see the hurt in his eyes when he talks about how sorry he is that i have stayed in this job when i have been so unhappy in it for all these years.

and i have my own fears--what if my optimism about what i can do to make up the lost income is unfounded?--what if the person who takes this job next is someone who doesn't know, or doesn't care, that this job really is the gateway to nearly everything that happens here?   what if i have i left rudi holding the bag???

insert sound of quiet sobbing here.

i wish with all my heart it hadn't come to this. 

i will still get to do one opera a year--and i will even get to do some house management from time to time--but life is so different now than when i used to gig around.  i'm a mother now, and a home owner, and my family depends on me to carry my fair share.  i cannot let them down.

i have a few opportunities coming my way--and a few ideas of my own--i have faith that things will turn out all right, in the end.

yet here i am, wondering out loud about the meaning of the way life unfolds, and trying to find a path thru a future that is unlike anything in my past.  and i'm juggling the guilt i have about what i'm about to put my family thru vs. the actual delight i have in being "free" again.

insert sound of guilt-ridden-yet-delighted giggle here.

so at the end of the work day, a new phase in life begins for me, and if not exactly confident, i am at least hopeful.  i'm going to make some ice tea and play in the sprinkler and see what inspiration comes my way.

and with this, my summer begins....

a tank of gas...

dear maternity apron seller,

glad you got that tank of gas.

love, rowena___.

M puppies R back

for the second time in just a few years, the pattern i never thought i'd ever see is again available for your maternity edification on that wonderland of pattern-buying fun, ebay.  i'm speaking, of course, of the maternity apron:

now please do not all rush out and start bidding on this pattern--you'll just run up the price.  let someone else do that for you.  :)  if the bidding goes the same way this time as it did a few years ago, this auction could end at over $35.00.  that's a lot of dough for something that in my opinion is marketing more than design.

instead, let me make a suggestion:  if you have or can find a pattern with a round yoke, just use the front half and add straps for the back.  i recommend you try mccalls #5586--which just so happens to be on sale this coming weekend at joanns--adjust the front of the pattern as described in my post about full tummy adjustments--and add pockets if you wish.  you can use the schematic of the vintage pattern to help you visualize what your pattern shapes should look like when you're done:

but do let's all watch the auction, frankly i'm pulling for the seller, this pattern could go a long way toward paying for a tank of gasoline.

out it went

mostly toys, some shoes, and other miscellaneous household flotsam/jetsam.

that was refreshing.

today's task:  clear the rest of the room from whence this stuff came, specifically:  the room that was formerly known as my sewing room (before i had an actual costume shop at the theater)--that was then formerly known as the guest room (after ella was born)--that is now soon-to-be formerly known as the room that time forgot (due to the massive pileup of things that had no other place to be)--and turn it into the room where the family does their crafts together, specifically:  sewing/knitting for me--"art crafts" for ella--and a painting studio for rudi to work on the painting projects for his degree.

yep, it's an exciting holiday weekend around here.  :D

ever honor, never forget

The brave die never, though they sleep in dust:
Their courage nerves a thousand living men.
~Minot J. Savage